A reader asked me recently — just in passing — whether or not MJ ever got regular again. Actually, he phrased it more colorfully than that, but we’ll let paraphrase suffice. Anyway, his question made me realize that there’s a certain lack of follow-up here at Thumbstumbler. I’ve been remiss in this regard. I am quick to describe our problems, usually in minute and excruciating detail, but often forget to let you know the upshot. So today I will take a moment to catch you up on some unresolved issues you may — or may not — have been wondering about.
Poop: I wrote nearly continuously of MJ’s constipation problems not long ago. Many of you know she went eleven days with no bowel movements. You also know that the doctor eventually put her on an adult dose of Miralax, resulting in a series of poops so explosive and voluminous that showers, changes of sheets, and even middle-of-the-night shampoos (eew) were required. Since then? All has settled into normalcy again. Myra-Jean’s as regular as shredded wheat. No meds required. The only lasting effect? She was so scarred by the middle-of-the-night dousing she received after one of the most egregious incidents that she still asks, every time she poops, in a voice both querulous and terrified: “are you going to put me under the shower?”
Mockingbird: (Otherwise known as “Jerk bird Singing in the Dead of Night.”) Surprisingly, all it took was Mike’s going out at 3AM and spraying him with a hose one time. Since then, he has moved on to dryer — and more distant, thankfully — perches. Thanks to the reader who suggested, well, a variation on this approach.
Nine-dollar chocolate bar: I hate dark chocolate, so to me this artisanal bar from Brooklyn tasted, well, as repugnant as all dark chocolate. Maybe more. As for Mike? He said it was very good. Superb, in fact. He ate every bite. Then he added: “I would still never spend nine dollars on a bar of candy.” The verdict? Next time I’m buying him Hershey’s.