“OK, OK. Thanks for talking me down.”
It wasn’t my therapist I’d just hung up with. It was David, the Corky’s guy. This was my third time speaking to him since the spraying last week. My third time calling hysterically because we are still. Seeing. Roaches. In. The. Kitchen.
David has an easy way about him. A gentle approach. He uses the phrase “get you where you want to be” a lot.
“We’re going to get you where you want to be,” he says this morning, as he has every time we’ve spoken. “It just takes some time.”
I don’t have time. I will be in a mental hospital soon, knitting my own bathrobe, and then I’ll have time. But now? No.
“I just want them gone, David.”
“I know, Jessica.” We are on a first name basis. We could hang out. We could watch the debates together, throw orange peels at Trump. “We’re going to get you there.”
If David’s voice were an instrument, it would be a cello. He’s good at his job. He does a lot of empathizing. I wonder if he’s taken a course.
“When will we get there, though? WHEN?”
“Yup. It’s frustrating.” This doesn’t answer the question, but I am lulled by the tuneful sound of his voice. Wait. Am I?
“I need a date.”
“We’re gonna get you where you want to be.” Cue the oboes!
“A date. David. Please.”
Sotto voce, he replies.”It’s generally about two weeks after the second visit.”
The second visit. Which is at the two-week mark. We haven’t even reached that yet.
“So a month? This whole process takes a month?”
We’ve had this conversation before. Every bit of it. It’s like Kabuki theater, but without the makeup. Still, I am not hearing what I want to hear.
“Can’t we make it faster?”
The music swells. “These things take time.”
“I hate them.”
And swells some more: “We’re gonna get you there.”
“I can’t even go in my kitchen!”
(Andante)”It’s very stressful.”(Accelerando) “We’ll get you there.”(Tenuto) “These things take more time than we’d like.”
Show over, I walk across the house to where Mike is checking his e-mail. He looks up. “Did you call them?”
I nod unhappily. “They’ll get us there.”
Mike shrugs. There is nothing more either of us can do, and we know it. Powerless in the face of these repugnant, brown interlopers, we can only wait for the mysterious spell of Corky’s to take effect.
Good thing I have David. I’m going to need him.
And he’s going to need a vacation when the month is up.