A Little Hand(wash) Wringing

There was a popular joke in the 70’s–it had the punchline: “no soap; radio!”

I never liked it.

Speaking of soap, here’s another thing I don’t like: Trader Joe’s hand soap. Oh, it smells fine, mostly, as long as you stick to the basic scents. And it works well enough at cleaning, once you get it on your hands. But that’s where the difficulty lies. For instead of dropping genteelly onto the outstretched palm–like a decent hand soap should–the TJ’s stuff shoots vertically across the room. It’s like some sort of supersonic death gel. The result? Every innocent attempt at hand washing results in soap on the walls. The cabinets. The mirrors. But the hands? Not so much. It’s infuriating! And frightening. How long will it be before this product’s vicious, viscous jet stream shoots across a bathroom, ricochets off of a shower curtain and blinds an innocent bystander? Will bathrooms everywhere be a place of slimy peril? Why has this simple problem not been corrected?

Or…is this merely TJ’s cunning response to the previous issue: when these soap dispensers didn’t work at all, even though you tried and tried to pull the pump thingy up to its working position and you finally gave up and felt like you were losing your mind and had to return the damn thing to the store for a refund from the busy man behind the high counter. If you remembered to. And you weren’t ashamed. Which you never did. And you were.

Is that what this is, TJ’s? Customer payback? Like a waiter who spits in the soup? Er, soap?

Or, to put a more benevolent spin on it, can you just not master the art of the simple pump dispenser? If this be the case, I urge you to keep trying. It can’t be that difficult. There are brilliant people–industrial engineers! Surely one of them can tackle this seemingly insoluble dilemma. Remember, it’s super-flu season. We need soap on our hands, not our ceilings!

And honestly? I need more stuff to clean in the bathroom like I need a hole in the head.

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One thought on “A Little Hand(wash) Wringing

  1. Pingback: Soapy Opera | thumbstumbler

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