The Twelve Steps For the TJ’s Shopper

  1. Admitted we were powerless over Trader Joe’s, and that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that shopping after lunch would restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to renounce sugar completely for Lent. Remembered we were not Christian.
  4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our cabinets.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to the human being we lived with that they contained a deplorable excess of heavily packaged snack items.
  6. Were entirely ready to have our spouse remove all of these packages.
  7. Humbly asked, though, that this not take place until after we had eaten the food in them.
  8. Made a list of all the items we should be buying instead of dark-chocolate covered, sea-salt infused peanut-butter cups. Placed all items in cart.
  9. Made a direct bee-line for the freezer case. Swore that we deserved mint ice cream sandwiches after making such positive changes in our lifestyle.
  10. Continued to take personal exception to TJ’s produce selection. Insisted this forced us to subsist on their blueberry Greek yogurt. Full fat. With granola.
  11. Sought through vigorous housework and drinking more water to obviate the effects of salt, fat, sugar, and processed-foods-in-quaint-packages on our deteriorating bodies.
  12. Having gained ten pounds as a result of these steps, we tried to carry our shopping lists to Fresh and Easy, and to practice more aggressive forms of exercise when that tactic failed us.

3 thoughts on “The Twelve Steps For the TJ’s Shopper

  1. Pingback: I Blog Therefore I Am « thumbstumbler

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