FADE IN on a HUSBAND and WIFE, both mid-40’s and slightly disheveled. They are in a large, messy kitchen/dining room area. The floor is littered with toys.

He irons a shirt. She is washing dishes.

WIFE

Oh, I’ve got the sponge thing in, by the way.

HUSBAND

The — sorry?

WIFE

You know. The sea sponge?

HUSBAND (looking alarmed)

Oh. Right. OK, then.

He bends in to his ironing.

WIFE

Don’t you want to know how it is?

HUSBAND

(looks up reluctantly)

Um. How is it?

WIFE

Burns a little, frankly.

HUSBAND

I had a feeling this would go well.

WIFE

But only when I walk.

HUSBAND

That’s something.

WIFE

Hopefully I checked it well enough…

HUSBAND

For —

WIFE

Shell fragments. Apparently that’s a hazard.

HUSBAND

Wow.

WIFE

Coral, too. But it’s supposed to be quite rare.

HUSBAND

Remind me why you’re using these?

WIFE

Because. Regular tampons and pads contain terrible things. Bleach, plastic, hormone disruptors…

HUSBAND

And you need hormones why?

The wife shoots him a disbelieving look. He gazes back at her innocently. There is a beat.

WIFE

I’m going to pray you were kidding. Anyway, these’ll be great. I just have to get used to them.

HUSBAND

Of course.

WIFE

I’ll be one with the earth.

HUSBAND

Yup.

WIFE

Oh, and guess what you use to sterilize them?

HUSBAND

Whoa. To — ?

WIFE

Apple cider vinegar! Isn’t that cool? Or baking soda. Or colloidal silver.

HUSBAND

What is that?

WIFE

(shrugs, reads from instructions)

 “There is no pathogenic organism known that is not killed by colloidal silver in 6 minutes or less.”

HUSBAND

Wow. Would that include me?

WIFE

You’re hilarious.  I need to go deal. I think it’s falling out. Ow. Ouch.

HUSBAND

Soldier on.

The wife leaves, walking strangely. Then she sticks her head back in.

WIFE

You should be proud of me.

HUSBAND

Proud is not the word.

She shoots him a look and goes. Shaking his head, the husband returns to his ironing. We FADE TO BLACK.