FADE IN on a HUSBAND and WIFE, both mid-40’s and slightly disheveled. They are in a large, messy kitchen/dining room area. The floor is littered with toys.
He irons a shirt. She is washing dishes.
WIFE
Oh, I’ve got the sponge thing in, by the way.
HUSBAND
The — sorry?
WIFE
You know. The sea sponge?
HUSBAND (looking alarmed)
Oh. Right. OK, then.
He bends in to his ironing.
WIFE
Don’t you want to know how it is?
HUSBAND
(looks up reluctantly)
Um. How is it?
WIFE
Burns a little, frankly.
HUSBAND
I had a feeling this would go well.
WIFE
But only when I walk.
HUSBAND
That’s something.
WIFE
Hopefully I checked it well enough…
HUSBAND
For —
WIFE
Shell fragments. Apparently that’s a hazard.
HUSBAND
Wow.
WIFE
Coral, too. But it’s supposed to be quite rare.
HUSBAND
Remind me why you’re using these?
WIFE
Because. Regular tampons and pads contain terrible things. Bleach, plastic, hormone disruptors…
HUSBAND
And you need hormones why?
The wife shoots him a disbelieving look. He gazes back at her innocently. There is a beat.
WIFE
I’m going to pray you were kidding. Anyway, these’ll be great. I just have to get used to them.
HUSBAND
Of course.
WIFE
I’ll be one with the earth.
HUSBAND
Yup.
WIFE
Oh, and guess what you use to sterilize them?
HUSBAND
Whoa. To — ?
WIFE
Apple cider vinegar! Isn’t that cool? Or baking soda. Or colloidal silver.
HUSBAND
What is that?
WIFE
(shrugs, reads from instructions)
“There is no pathogenic organism known that is not killed by colloidal silver in 6 minutes or less.”
HUSBAND
Wow. Would that include me?
WIFE
You’re hilarious. I need to go deal. I think it’s falling out. Ow. Ouch.
HUSBAND
Soldier on.
The wife leaves, walking strangely. Then she sticks her head back in.
WIFE
You should be proud of me.
HUSBAND
Proud is not the word.
She shoots him a look and goes. Shaking his head, the husband returns to his ironing. We FADE TO BLACK.
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