To Done, Garden 6/14

  • Watered all terraces in front and back gardens.
  • Fertilized all non-succulent plants, front and back, with liquid stuff we bought from plant store. Some kind of fish or seaweed-type fluid. Realized I could’ve saved myself money and just used what comes out of our water filter
  • Fertilized succulents with “Cactus Juice.” Asked them each, as I did so, to “grow a little faster.”
  • Deadheaded salvia plant. The term “deadhead” implies that there are living blooms left behind. Not the case here. Can you deadhead an entire plant? How about an entire garden? 
  • Watered mysterious “stump plant” that has sprouted big green shoots and, yesterday, a spectacular white flower. Every day, a surprise.
  • Cut back ivy growing along side of house while simultaneously muttering “Get back. Get back. Get back.” 
  • Deadheaded lavender plant. Wondered why it doesn’t look as good as everyone else’s. It’s not supposed to be yellow.
  • Sighed over dying herb plant. Muttered “who kills rosemary?” 
  • Wondered if all of this talking to myself makes me the “eccentric type” or just crazy.
  • Watered and fertilized regular lemon tree. I just read that you are not supposed to water citruses near their trunks, but rather around a wide periphery. Same with fertilizing. But it seems counterintuitive. Watered and fertilized around its trunk. Felt like a jerk.
  • Watered and fertilized the Japanese lemon tree. Listened to the screeching of new mockingbird babies in its branches. Another family has moved in. Unbelievable. It’s an aviary tenement. I am a slumlord. I want to raze the building and put up a stripmall.
  • Filled bird feeders. I am also a soup kitchen.
  • Spilled large quantity of fertilizer on muddy patch where tools are kept. The weeds will be spectacular.
  • Deadheaded unknown flowers near mailbox. Wished they weren’t “so pink.” Threw ends into yard waste. 
  • Contemplated sickly yet still-terrifyingly-toxic oleander tree on property. We think it is dying of an incurable disease. Better it than us. 
  • Asked it to die faster.

1 thought on “To Done, Garden 6/14

  1. mike

    Are you sure that stuff needed to be fertilized again? I thought it was once every three months…
    Its only been about a month and a half since the last time we did it.


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