- Woke at 8:00. Had a quick breakfast with family.
- Did alphabet puzzle with MJ.
- Made Mike’s lunch. Said goodbye to him.
- Walked Mina.
- Went to music class with MJ. Sang and swayed.
- Went to taco stand for lunch. Ate and froze.
- Home. Read all three “Ladybug Girl” books. Put MJ down for nap.
- Paid late medical bill.
- Attempted to pay auto registration on line. Process was unbelievably Byzantine. Decided mail would be faster.
- Called SAG to make sure address change had gone through. Got attitude.
- Entered receipts into Quicken. All seemed to be for Home Depot. Considered buying company’s stock. Remembered we have no money.
- Checked Sears’ website to see if it was true that they were selling a “Don’t Make Me Kick You In Your Fallopian Tubes” tee shirt. They were.
- Considered Sears Boycott. Remembered I have never shopped there.
- Made three doctors’ appointments — two for me, one for MJ.
- Brought in trash bins.
- Changed now-awake MJ, fed her snack. Read her “The Cat at Night.”
- Went for walk with Mina and MJ. Let Mina off leash in big field. Almost immediately she got sprayed by a skunk. At close range.
- Ran Mina and MJ back to house, muttering “oh no, oh no, oh no” the whole time.
- Tied Mina up outside.
- Got MJ inside. Told her to stay. Remembered she was not a dog.
- Put on food service gloves. Ran back out.
- Washed choking, whining, reeking dog with hose while simultaneously trying to watch MJ through the living room window.
- Tied shivering, miserable dog up. Ran inside to get recipe for skunk-smell removal online. Required peroxide, baking soda, and Dawn detergent. Did not have.
- Washed Mina again with Trader Joe’s shampoo. Pointless.
- Tied her to front banister in small patch of sunlight.
- Changed. Threw all skunky clothes on porch. Told MJ to put her shoes on.
- Remembered it was almost dinnertime. Turned on oven. Got farmer’s market chicken out of fridge. Thought it looked weird — one wing was redder than the other. The last time I saw a chicken like that from the farmer’s market the guy offered to give me a discount on it because it had a “dead wing.” What does that even mean? Still, there was nothing else for dinner. Put on more gloves and prepared the bird. Reminded myself to tell Mike not to eat the appendages.
- Threw chicken in oven.
- Put MJ in car and raced to CVS. Bought needed supplies.
- Sped back home. Set MJ up with toys in living room. Changed clothes again. Prepared formula.
- Went to get Mina. She had thrown up all over steps. Grass, kibble, and skunk juice. Left it.
- Brought her inside. Put her in bathtub. Washed her in special formula. Twice.
- Ran to kitchen. Checked chicken. Not cooked. Also, oven glove had hole in it. Burned my hand viciously. Screamed.
- Assured MJ I was fine.
- Prepared side dishes. Told MJ food was coming. Yelled at Mina to stay out of kitchen.
- Started alphabet puzzle with MJ to distract her from hunger.
- Checked chicken again. Seemed done. Told MJ dinner was ready. She went into fit over incompleteness of alphabet puzzle.
- Finished the puzzle myself, lightning fast, all the while shrilly saying “look! I’m helping you!”
- Put MJ in highchair. Went to cut chicken. The white meat was pink. What the fuck?
- Considered bursting in to tears. Had no time. MJ was screaming “I’m hungry!”
- Cut two pieces of raw chicken off and put rest back in oven.
- Placed the two pieces on a plate and nuked them for two minutes.
- Took pieces out. Tried to figure out — over my child’s shrieks — how they had shrunk so much and grown so hard in such a short amount of time. They were chicken chips now. Told MJ to “start on her vegetables.”
- Took chicken out of oven again. Searched all over for cooked section. Found one. Removed meat. Gave to child. Put bird back in.
- While MJ was eating ran to clean bathtub so that she would be able to bathe in non-skunky tub.
- Ran outside to hose down front steps where Mina vomited.
- Ran back in. MJ still eating.
- Fed Mina. Checked her smell. Hard to tell who had the odor at this point.
- Gave MJ a bath.
- Took chicken out of oven. It was finally cooked. A lot.
- Read MJ all three ladybug books.
- Put her down.
- Put chicken in fridge. I will never eat it.
- Washed dishes.
- Cleaned up alphabet puzzle and six thousand other toys.
- Threw away all towels, washcloths, and clothing that touched Mina.
- Heated up leftover pasta pesto.
- Went to watch Parenthood. Realized I have seen all episodes.
Seriously, I feel exhausted after just READING this!
Ha! No need to feel bad for me. I only had to read about your crazy day. You had to LIVE it!
I would say something about having a better day tomorrow, but I’m a very superstitious person. I don’t want to jinx you.
You definitely earned your daily rate out of the $96,00k today.
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