- Slept ’til 8:40. Thought I had died.
- Had breakfast with family. For six minutes. Mike running late.
- Read MJ “Chrysanthemum.”
- Walked Mina and MJ to field. Greeted ladybugs. Fed them gravel “aphids.” Tried not to kill them.
- Read MJ one half of bug book.
- Put in a load of laundry.
- Took MJ to “Toddler Time” at Glendale Library. Almost got into an altercation with two dads behind us for talking too loudly during storytime. I am becoming the Larry David of moms.
- Went to park. Eighty degrees. No shade. Followed MJ around attempting to cast my shadow on her so I would not have to apply sunscreen. Got sunburned.
- Drove home. Read “Chrysanthemum.” Put MJ down for nap.
- Wrote letter to old bank asking for money Mike has had in there for eleven years. Sensed the attempt would be fruitless.
- Ironed two of MJ’s dresses and two placemats. Picked doghair out of latter. No more black table linens.
- Picked up all toys, books, and puzzle pieces everywhere. Wondered how many times a day I bend over and say “ugh!”
- Obsessed about preschools. Found an article in the New York Times that says the one we have rejected is the one we should have accepted.
- Entered receipts in Quicken. Contemplated financial situation. Even if we wanted to attend above-mentioned school we cannot afford to. Unless I get rid of my car. Considered possibility of walking there with MJ. It is five miles away.
- Obsessed about earthing sheets. Found an article online that warned I could be seriously harmed by them.
- Fell into a slough of despond.
- Made the bed.
- Noticed the bedroom needed vacuuming.
- Got on the bed and read “Marriage Plot.” For book club! Pretended this was being productive. It is a large print edition (no wait at the library. I’m a genius). Got a headache.
- Made MJ a post-nap snack. Photographed her with sunflower seed butter all over her face and arms. Contemplated the cliched, almost pathetic nature of doing such a thing. Sent picture to Mike anyway.
- Walked Mina to field. “Forgot” bug books. Recited parts from memory for distraught daughter.
- Watered entire front garden with MJ.
- Decided to weed. Got self and daughter covered in probably toxic mud. Also front steps and walkway, which now need to be pressure washed.
- Washed MJ’s hands and feet with dish soap.
- Remembered sitter was coming. Hosannah!
- Cleaned bathroom so she wouldn’t report me to authorities.
- Swept living room. — also for sitter.
- Picked up all toys, puzzle pieces, etc, again. See above.
- Made MJ dinner of rice noodles, peas, mozzarella cheese, and steamed carrots. Felt virtuous.
- Cleared largely uneaten meal.
- Cleaned and swept kitchen.
- Got phone call. Sitter not coming.
- Fought off crushing disappointment.
- Gave MJ a bath. Read “Chrysanthemum.” Put her to bed.
- Nuked and ate daughter’s left over pasta while watching episode of “Parenthood.” Shocked and appalled at how awful meal is. Tried adding more mozzarella, which completed the process of congealing it into an amorphous, indigestible mass. Ate anyway.
- Ate one half large bag of TJ’s Doritos. Watched second episode of Parenthood.
- Wondered if I would be sick.
- Greeted Mike when he came home. Asked him to throw Doritos away.
- Did dishes.
- Went to bed.
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A Subsidiary of "Lesser Homes and Gardens"
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“I am becoming the Larry David of moms.”
lol’ed